I'll be home for Christmas....

My brother insisted that I call mom and sing that line to her, because, I literally will be home for Christmas. So, I did, to which she continued the next line. It's safe to say, I'm part of a 'musically cheesy' family! Nevertheless, I am coming home. Feels like I just left, and it feels like I've been gone for ages! And yet, it's only been two months. A GREAT two months. And in some ways, its seems a bit ironic to be leaving the white that everyone dreams of having at Christmas time, and heading to the coast. Excited to see family and friends. Excited for mom's cooking. Excited to snuggle with the nieces (I'm not playing favorites here, they are the only ones who will snuggle! I can't get within 4 feet of the nephews, so, their loss!). Excited for the inevitable barrage of 'so, did you find a job yet?' questions. And excited for the familiar!

Home for 2 1/2 weeks. If anyone has any work/ projects during that time, I'm a poor, income-less wanderer. Ok, my situation is not that dire, but seriously, I'm putting a plug out here for any work anyone needs done. I'm your girl!

A short list of to-do's are on the itinerary. Some of which include:

Dining at the Spur with Jack
Strolling downtown with coffee in-hand
Walking on Westcliff and gazing at the ocean as much as possible
Going to the Nordstrom Rack to look for shoes, because they are the only store with big girl sizes, and I am learning I may need non-sandal foot attire for the rest of this mid-west winter
Sampling a few must-try cuisines, per the request of a certain room-mate
A pajama party and a new years party
A couple rounds of disc golf
Visiting, visiting and more visiting
And.....I am open for other suggestions as they are submitted.....

Home for the holidays. I now understand what that really feels like. After all, 'Tis the Season!!

Just Jack: Grace

The only picture I have of the two of us. Her response after seeing the picture: 'Oh, Gosh! I look like an old lady!!'

They say that behind every great man is a strong woman. In Jack's case, I am confident that he would not be the man he is today without the support and love of his wife Grace. Their 59 year marriage ended softly Friday morning after Thanksgiving, where, in the living room of their shared home of 50 years, Grace left this world. Her 30-plus-year battle of debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis, and countless other aches, pains, and limitations has come to an end. But, how do I quantify her 84 year lifetime in a venue as one-dimensional as a blog like this?

Over my limited existence, I have come to one realization. Everyone struggles. Everyone endures massive amounts of pain and hardship. It varies, of course. Some physical, some emotional. Some lose loved ones. Some never had loved ones. Some have lifelong illnesses, some work through disabilities. As inhabitants of this Earth, none of us are exempt from this reality. So, the question is not, who struggles, or who struggles with the worst affliction. Instead, the question is, how do we cope with our hardship? Do we whine? Do we make sure everyone knows about it? Or do we endure silently, successfully convincing all that nothing is abnormal? I have had the blessing of knowing a surprising amount of people with the impressive ability to disguise their struggle, making it invisible to the public. And the icing on that cake? Doing so with a smile, a joke, an optimistic disposition. That, my friends, is a quality I have developed the utmost respect for. A quality I hope to emulate, even to the slightest degree. A quality that dear Grace exemplified completely.

The only reason I am even aware of her constant and extreme physical pain is because I played an intimate role in her life for over 4 years. Even then, I had to pry. Doctors visits did not contain rants, complaints, or even honesty. Even to the doctors, she held a strong front. At 84, it was important for her to look as presentable as possible. Matching outfits, hair did, lipstick, clean and tidy appearance, even though she could do none of those things for herself. I am convinced, that all this fuss was another tactic for disguising her inner struggle.

Generous to all. Never quick to anger. Never held a grudge. Hard worker. Patient wife. Considerate. Great sense of humor. Quality human being. What I wouldn't give to have known her as a young woman. To be the same age, and friends in the early years of her life! To play on her softball team, or stroll downtown window shopping. God put her in my life for a reason, or many reasons. To teach me about silent struggling. To teach me to stay positive and grateful. To love, even when its not easy to do so.

As she ends this chapter of her life, I am beginning one of my own. The beautiful cycle of life. Seeing her, as elderly, was something I needed in order to be a more fulfilled and qualified human. Who are we if we aren't constantly involved in all aspects of the life cycle? Seeing birth, seeing growth, seeing marriage, seeing growth, seeing aging, seeing growth. The importance of being reminded of all these phases, and that each of us is part of that cycle and will soon be in Grace's shoes. It can't be ignored. And seeing her at that phase was something I needed and could not have learned from without seeing first hand. And what a teacher I had!!

I am eternally grateful for the lessons she taught me. Especially the ones she wasn't even aware she was teaching. I am grateful for the impact she had on my life. And my one wish is that, at 84, I will be able to impart to some young girl the same life lessons she gave me! But for now, I say goodbye, with the comfort of being Graced by her presence.

The Familiar

Leaving home, means leaving the familiar. Scary at times, but still mostly exciting. Some of those familiarities don't come to light until faced with it's replacement. Like, no one would expect to miss a local grocery store, until it is no longer an option in another location, and the new local market just doesn't compare. And, there are certain familiar's that can be foreseen as something that will be missed or even happy to be done with. And one of my familiar's that had me a bit apprehensive, was leaving my home-church and joining an unfamiliar family. The last few Sunday's at home had my mind wandering about the end of this routine and the reality of a new replacement. Let's be clear. When discussing church's, it's really not appropriate to compare, or state which one is better, or give a rating of 1 to 5 stars. In this case, it just comes down to what I am familiar with, have grown up in and love, even with all the quirks, quacks, and other 'q' words that I can't come up with right now...

But one Sunday. The first Sunday, swept away all those wondering thoughts and calmed me. Unfamiliar smiles. Hand shakes. Hello's. The beginning of a new familiar.

And another something I couldn't have expected, nor foreseen as something I would become so attached to and impressed by, was the familiar that they have already created. It's so simple. Not much. But I love it. The conversation usually begins with a 'hi' and 'how are you' and then 'how was your week?' And at the end of the conversation, or as a way of saying good-by upon walking to the car, they offer a 'Have a good week!' It's loaded. It bursts of caring about your welfare, inquiring about daily details, hope for a good near future, and the simple reality that this will all happen in repeat next week. Where, it is assumed that we will both be in the same place at the same time, wanting this to be an ongoing activity. Knowing people are there to care about you. Knowing they want the best for you. And still knowing that they really don't even know you that well, and yet they care. They want you back next week. They want to know.

And all that, from just a simple, four-worded phrase 'Have a good week!' Now that is a familiar I can get behind!

I have a Gym!!!

I realized something, not too long after moving into an apartment complex that boasts a free gym. I guess, I realized something about myself, that is. Having a gym means you actually have to work out! As much as we all love free stuff, the old saying comes to mind, 'that nothing is ever really free.' And the cost of having a 'free' gym? Having to endure the hardship of actually working out! Why was I not warned about this?!!

My secondary realization is, that having a free gym is almost worse than paying for one, because you know it's sitting over there, waiting for you, not charging you to use it. If you don't take advantage of it, it's like you are saying 'NO' to free!

Having never owned a gym membership, I didn't fully understand the whole programed-work-out-in-a-room-of-a-bunch-of-equipment-with-other-sweaty-worker-outers. Believe me, I know what a work out is. I've drained myself in the sun, digging, mowing, hauling, weeding, etc. I've hiked hills. I've swam and wake-boarded at the lake. I've played softball and participated in sports. Meaning, I've done various activities that provide a 'work-out', but I don't have experience with this new indoor room with weights to move around meaninglessly. It is becoming evident, that my mode of operation requires a clear purpose, or a goal, or something to accomplish. Oh, I suppose I can set goals for myself in the gym too, but it just feels so robotic and empty. I don't get to see a beautiful view on the top of a hill and feel the sense of accomplishment for hiking all the way up there. I don't get to walk away from a yard leaving it in much better condition than I found it. And I don't find any fun out of it! It is just not what I hoped it would be!!

I'm not giving up this soon though! Oh, no! I will persevere and learn to love it. At least I hope I will! I have to. Because, after all, I don't have a yard or garden to toil in (thank you maintenance men!), and winter is upon us, eliminating outdoor hiking, swimming, and sporting. So, my only real option is indoor gym time. But that will all change come spring time, when softball is in the air and some lucky Omaha rec-league acquires me as their newest talent and free agent!!

The Next Step

The decision was made. Buying a house is put on hold for now, and instead, we are renting. Saad has been living in a one-bedroom for the past year, in a beautiful and sprawling apartment complex about a 1/4 mile from work. It boasts of two pools, two hot tubs, a game room which includes a kitchen, pool table, ping pong table and video arcade, a home theater, a gym and get this, a free two-lane bowling alley!!!

After looking at a few other apartment complex's, it became evident that the current complex is the clear winner! When I walk into my apartment complex, I really don't want it to reek of cabbage and mold. I'd also like features updated some since their original construction in 1954. So, without any hesitation, a two bedroom in this complex was clearly the best option. It's clean. It smells good. And it's Beautiful!! Our apartment is 1,100 sq. feet, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, large kitchen with 2 pantries, in-unit washer/dryer, crown molding, fresh coat of paint throughout, and brand new carpet! The moment I walked in for our first viewing, I was in love!

The plan for the move? Well, since I'm jobless, with time on my hands, I decided that the first day we got the keys, I would single-handedly move everything except the furniture. Saad used his negotiating skills to convince the office to give us the keys a week early. The argument being, the first of the month was Halloween weekend, it was supposed to rain, that would be a crazy weekend to move, and um, well, I really wanted my own room, now! So, they pulled some strings and gave us the keys. Saad came home from work to see that I'd moved everything I physically could while he was at work. I really don't know why he was so shocked. Because,

A.) Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a hard worker and can accomplish huge feats in record time (no ego boosting here or anything....) and
B.) Sleeping in the living room/not having a bedroom, closet or bathroom for 2 weeks would motivate just about any girl to do whatever it takes to resolve that issue! and
C.) If I left it up to men, it would have taken a week to get done!

Hence, I put on my superwoman suit and did it! A couple buddies with a truck showed up after work to move the heavy stuff. Phew. All moved in. The sorting and organizing has taken a bit of time, but it's pretty much done and worthy of taking pictures. As I get a job and start producing an income, I plan on sprucing it up and furnishing it with a little more than just man stuff. So enjoy the pictures, but to get the full effect, you really need to come out and see for yourself.....

Our building. See that open sliding door? That's ours!

Another view of the building. There are a lot of buildings in our complex, hard to get a full view.

Looking out our sliding door at the bowling alley, gym, pool, etc!

My room, furnished with all thrift store finds! A work in progress.

Looking through my bathroom into my bedroom.

Part of my walk-in closet. It's bigger in person.

Living room

Laundry room. Obviously.

Saad's bedroom and into his bathroom

Kitchen. Again, it's bigger than it shows in this picture.

Looking from the kitchen to the dining room/living room. The far door is my bedroom.

Huskers

Cultural Experience/Realization #1: Nebraskans are addicted to Huskers football.

When I make that statement, those of you outside of Nebraska really don't understand the depth and extent to which I am referring. Really, you don't. I have been here a few weeks now, and I still don't understand the full parameters of Huskers football. For everyone else, let me explain. Nebraska doesn't have any professional sports teams. None. How many do we have in California? Well, which sport? Just in football alone, we have 4 professional teams, and five professional baseball teams. Not to mention many other teams from various sports, minor leagues, etc.

These poor Nebraskans so desperately want a team to be loyal to, dedicate their lives to, giving them a sense of purpose, but its just not there for them. So, the next best thing? College football. More specifically, University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Walk into any store. Seriously, pick a store, and you will see countless men, women and children sporting either a Huskers shirt, sweatshirt, hat, or some form of red paraphernalia. It's amazing. The big red 'N' is everywhere. Every radio station gives hourly updates on the upcoming game, stats, player notices, or whatever they can think of to inform the listener. Houses proudly fly the flag on the front porch. BBQ's have a cover over them with the 'N' logo. License plate covers, stickers, furniture, billboards, flatware, pastries, everything boasts a Huskers affiliation!

A home game is the high point in their lives. (Lincoln is about 45 mins away). And everyone either hosts a party or attends a party in celebration of the game. Literally, EVERYONE!! If you so much as think, or breath that you aren't that into football, I'm pretty sure they would all lynch you and hang you from the nearest tree. Pretty sure that disliking football is treason here in the great state of Nebraska. At these parties, there are multiple T.V.'s, in multiple rooms. The children and womenfolk tend to stay inside or in the basement, and the menfolk congregate in the garage around the keg (can you guess where I usually migrate to?....) During the commercials, you are allowed to talk about what just happened, or Huskers/football in general. But during the play, you don't talk about anything other than the current play! You just don't. Food is very abundant at these shindigs, as well as backwoods hunters whose accent you can't differentiate between Kentucky or Mississippi.

If the Huskers lose, watch out. The night, day and weekend is literally ruined. People just go home and sulk. The bars are solemn. The roads are quiet. And Nebraska mourns. If the Huskers win, well it's an all-out celebration. The game gets re-told over and over again. Impressive passes, tackles and touchdowns are recounted with passion and commitment. The bars are full and rowdy. The sky lights up. And life for these Nebraskans is all worth while; the world is right again.

So how do I fit in? Well, not wanting to be lynched or hung, I am Nebraska's newest Husker fan! To prove my commitment, I am a proud owner of a red Huskers Snuggie, (thanks mom)! That's right! And I fully plan on sporting that thing when I am freezing my buns off at a home game in Lincoln. Since I am still processing this whole dynamic, I don't quite know what I think about it all. But, I think it's safe to say, that their childlike dedication and excitement is pretty precious. A slight smile rests on my face whenever we are watching the game, or at the store, as I look on at these dear fans. Oh, to be that involved and dedicated to a game of men running around on a field with a ball! Don't worry, if Nebraska has their way, I'll be a die-hard fan by the end of the season. And I'm strangely o.k. with that! When in Rome, right?!

The Drive

Day 1: Felton to Salt Lake City:
The morning of my departure got off to a teary start. Up until that morning, I hadn't cried at all about leaving. But seeing the family all lined up outside of the house was enough to get me a little sad. Some hugs, some tears, and mom and I are off! I have driven extensively throughout CA over the years, so the drive from San Jose to Reno had no 'new and exciting' factors for me. Moments of beauty, yes, but I've done it before. A stop at a Cabela's in Reno was mandatory (mainly to stir up jealousy amongst other family members...)
But I was anxious to get out of CA and into more unfamiliar territory, since that's what this adventure is all about! Getting out of CA means going through Nevada, which if you've ever been to or through this state, enough said. I don't want to bag on this state or give them the satisfaction of taking up space on here at all. Suffice it to say, we couldn't get through there fast enough. Since there's nothing to see or do between Reno and Salt Lake City, we trudged on and made it to Salt Lake by bed time. Wanting a decent hotel, we let the navigation device (of which I have a love/hate relationship with) lead us to a downtown spot. The result: 13th floor suite overlooking downtown and the surrounding region, down comforter, plush pillows, wet bar, balcony, and a beautiful bathroom, all for $90. What a steal!

Day 2: Salt Lake to Steam Boat Springs
We woke up to a stunning view of the city surrounded entirely by mountains, and very pleased with our find. Since the day before was such a long haul, there was no rush to get a move on, so it was off to find a breakfast spot featured on the show 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives'. The Blue Plate Diner, known for their chicken fried steak and eggs benedict, loaded us up with one of each, in portions that hardly fit on the table. We chatted up the kooky waitress about dry counties and liquor rules and restrictions. The food was spectacular, and we left there full, and sympathetic for the poor Uthanians who can't enjoy booze as easily as the rest of us!

A drive through the downtown area to see the Tabernacle and a visit to Costco rounded out our time in Salt Lake City. From here, the ultimate goal was to see as much of Colorado as possible and to head to Boulder for some Tim time. So we took small, two lane roads that weaved in and out of the mountains and in and out of beautiful and desolate stretches. One realization this trip has given me, is that Fall is the most beautiful and perfect season to travel in! The colors are astonishing, everywhere! Reds, oranges, yellows, and greens interspersed all around. The weather is perfect, 50's-60's, not too hot and no real snow. And, it's the off season, so hotels are pretty empty and rates are much lower.

At the Pub where we had dinner, they had these old barrels stacked up with tables inside

We made it to Steam Boat Springs in time for dinner and decided to stop for the night. Steam Boat is an old mountain town, with a charming downtown area, endless ski trails, outdoor activities and beautiful holiday houses. We strolled around downtown, spent time in the Western Wear shop, and ate at a little pub. Since we were spoiled the night before, our hotel expectations were high, so we arrived at a brand new hotel for the night. Again, feather down beds, too many pillows, granite counter tops, a gym, and a scrumptious breakfast: $120! Fast asleep, recouping from days of driving, a sudden and piercing shriek jolted us out of bed. 3 separate and heart stopping fire alarms sounded throughout the night, waking us and scaring us. A call to the front desk confirmed that it was a false alarm.

Day 3: Steam Boat Springs to Boulder
Over breakfast the next morning, the front desk attendant apologized and told us that we would not be charged due to the disturbance the night before! Brilliant! I don't mind being woken up a few times, if it means that I don't have to pay!

Out of Steam Boat and into the mountains, we encountered our first bit of snow! Slowly crawled through the pass safely and enjoyed those quintessential Colorado views. Wow. Rivers, snow-capped mountains, fields of fall colors, wild life, ranches, farms and log cabins with smoke drawing lines out of the chimney. Colorado, I love you!

Another important stop was at a world renown toffee shop that mom has been dreaming about ever since her first taste some 40 years ago in Hawaii. Worth the stop! So, loaded up on toffee, we made our way to Boulder. Having spent a week in Boulder over the summer, I was a qualified tour guide of the city and showed mom the sights. Tim showed us his new apartment and took us to dinner at a local brewery, had some great laughs, caught up and enjoyed some tasty brew. Tim put us up for the night and once again proved to be the hospitable gentlemen that he truly is.



Day 4: Boulder to Omaha
Another late morning and another late start. But who cares, we're on vacation after all! Leaving the Rockies and heading for the planes makes for quite a contrast of sights between the rear view mirror and the front windshield! That John Denver is definitely not full of s@!# and the Rockies are indeed Rocky! It's another long stretch of not much to see, in between these two cities. One sight that kept us occupied was the sort of people who were sharing the freeway with us. Pick-up trucks, loaded down with camping gear, usually towing a small trailer for the four wheeler and in the bed of one truck, on top of all the gear, was a full rack of antlers, securely tied down! Now, this is what I'm talking about! I'm already feeling at home. Evening arrives and so do we! Home at last!


Over the next few days, mom and I explore Omaha and I get acquainted with my new surroundings. I am staying with The Saad and we are looking into either finding a two bedroom apartment or the possibility of him buying a house. Needless to say, we spent the weekend house hunting and going round and round the ramifications of both options. He gave himself the deadline of making a decision by friday, rent or buy. So stay close for an update. I put mom on the plane last night and am thankful and happy for the trip and time we had together.

I can't wait to get on with my new life here. Everything is so different, in a small town, mid-western sort of way. I feel like a cultural anthropologist, viewing so many new and unique displays of a culture yet to be analyzed! My senses are overloaded as I try to process it all and compare it to back home. Each day, and each experience, brings endless post options that could be written on this here blog, but that will have to wait. I have lots to share and lots to explain, so sit tight dear reader, as I settle in and start mingling with the laid back country folk.

It's official: Jason is Married!

MY BROTHER IS A MARRIED MAN!!! As our family is slowly decompressing from the chaos and flutter of this wedding, we occasionally will stop, look at each other and say 'Jason is MARRIED!!' Not sure how long it will take us to get used to that reality. We all witnessed him walking down the aisle, holding the candle, exchanging rings, wearing the crown, and the final kiss. But still, did that really just happen?? Seeing that massive and impressive ring on his finger will also take some getting used to, and is a constant reminder of this 'new man' he has become.

The wedding was a howling success. If there is something the Clausings know how to do well, it's parties, and this was no exception! We estimate that over 450 smiling faces were in attendance. Wow! That's a lot of people! What a marker of Jason and Sarah's impact on this little valley, that that many people were pushing to show up to this event! The yard got a face-lift in preparation, which is also pretty standard around here. Nothing like a wedding, party, visitors, or event to get us into gear and get things done! Rock walls, twinkle lights galore, a bar made from a 20 foot long beam, resurfaced tennis court, newly painted court fencing, and many other little details. Due to a surprising amount of perfectionist tendencies in this family, much time and thought went into even the smallest detail. We have a hard time settling for anything less than the highest standard, and even when time is running out, the phrase, 'that's good enough' is hard to swallow. As a result, it shows and people were astonished. Family and friends from out of town were blown away at the magnitude and beauty of it all.

But come monday morning, this house was dead. We mustered enough energy to take down the tables, chairs, table cloths, and everything else left behind. And Jason, in fine form and not to be out-done, showed up to help clean-up his own wedding. What a show-off! But when all was finished, we rested, ALL DAY! After a nap, we sat out on the porch couch. Then we came in for a some wedding leftovers (hint: always overshoot the expected number of people, and reap the benefit of leftovers!). Then it was back to the porch couch. Family members showed up, and joined us on the porch couch. Then into the house for more food. More sitting around. We didn't leave the property and hardly left the couch! With an event like that, I think it will take us a week to fully recover. It was all worth it. Especially to see the never-ending smiles on the bride and groom's faces!

Now, if only I could get used to the fact that Jason has a wife named Mrs. Clausing!!!

Showers; The rest of the story

Myth: Women Love showers (baby, bridal, etc.)
Fact: Women HATE showers!

Remember that story about the woman who only cooked half of a ham at a time, because that's the way her mother taught her. The woman then questioned her mother why she had instructed her in this manner. And the mother responded that her mother had always done it that way. When the woman asked her grandmother why she only cooked half the ham at a time, the grandmother responded that her oven was so small that it could only accommodate that size pan. Meet the metaphor of starting something out of necessity which unintentionally turns into tradition. Hence, showers.

I am assuming that showers originated years ago, for the same reason they still exist today; to help a young couple start their marriage. The idea behind this tradition is great, since every young couple needs some assistance. But the reality of this tradition; absolute torture.

I'd like to think that the women who started this tradition probably never got any time away from their husbands/families and relished the opportunity to socialize with other women over tea and crust-less sandwiches. I'd like to think that these predecessors of ours, started this event of giving gifts, and had no idea what kind of a monster they had created, and what that monster would later turn into! I'd like to think that they could not have seen it coming, or else they would have spared us. I'd also like to think that if these women were generous enough to start a tradition of giving gifts, that they would be decent enough to end this tradition if they could see into the future at the barf-fest that would ensue.

Is it evident my opinion on showers?? All women hate them, and if a woman says they like them, they are either lying, have never been to one, or are missing a few screws.

If you are male, you may be wondering to yourself, what could be so wrong about showers? Let me explain, plain and simple. Ladies, gathered in a semi-circle around the-one-to-be-showered, oohing and awing at each opened gift of pot holders, sheets and other un-exciting gifts, while eating bite-sized treats (the only reason I go to most events, the food) and chatting nicely about girl stuff. Recipe for puke.

Let's be clear though. There are aspects to showers that we all enjoy: food, socializing, and presents. My idea; Reform. Morph these three things that we all like into an event that people actually want to attend. This new and improved shower should include the following:

• Both genders (get with the program, ladies-only events are as exciting as sorting recycling at the dump)
• Booze, obviously
• No opening of gifts while guests are present
• No stupid 'shower games'
• No recipe cards
• No advice written on small sheets of paper
• No trivia games
• No making 'dresses' out of toilet paper
  
• Real food, not girly tea party crap
• No making a bouquet out of ribbons/wrapping paper from gifts (see below)

Let's call this new and improved shower, an 'Engagement Party' (or a 'New Addition Party', if its a for a baby). Everyone comes, hangs out, enjoys each others company, brings presents and that's it. No one feels awkward. No one wants to shoot their eyeballs out. Just a regular old party.

Just like the woman with the ham dilemma, we need to ask ourselves why we put up with this kind of behavior? Why do we keep going to these horrible get-togethers? If the answer is unclear, we need to reform the situation all together. People keep throwing showers because,
A.) They think that everyone likes showers (wrong!)
B.) They don't realize that showers are NOT mandatory
C.) And finally, because everyone is too afraid to break from tradition and do something else.

Let it be known, that I am officially done with showers. Don't email me an invitation. Don't mail me an invitation. Don't put a flyer in my box. Don't even ask me to come. Waste of paper, breath, and effort. A reformed Engagement party, with both genders and normal components? Sure I'll come. But the current format for showers, I will not partake of ever again. (I am thinking of having that statement notarized...)

So, to all women out there, don't keep baking half a ham, when you could bake the whole thing at the same time!!

Just Jack: Are you sure you want to leave??

It has become a predictable ritual, like mostly every encounter with this old man. We chat about the mundane things, and then something reminds him that I am leaving, or there is a lull in the conversation. And then, BAM, he hits me with it:

'Rebekah, are you sure you want to leave??' he says in a little puppy-dog, pitiful sort of way. I tell him that, Yes Jack, I am sure, I just gotta get out of here.

Then finally, the other day, he brings up his old worn-out line, to which I reply 'Jack, are you going to ask me that every time I see you?' To which he responds, 'Well, no......but are you sure you want to leave?? I'm just really going to miss you. You're my only pal, and I'm not going to have a close friend with you gone!'

I give him assurance that my replacement will be just as good, if not better than I am, but he is not convinced. I guess it is easy for any of us to become accustomed to our routine, and any seismic disturbance can create fear and worry. I tell him I am not moving to the moon, and will only be a phone call away. He has also added a few more numbers to his act. It seems that he is convinced that if he touches me as much as possible, that he will somehow be able to grasp me, hold me down, and keep me here. I am fairly certain this will not work, but nevertheless, he seems to be grabbing my hand, kissing it, hugging and generally initiating a lot more contact than ever before. I guess it is sweet and endearing, but the 'not-very-female' in me is just kinda doesn't know how to respond. I grapple for an awkward reciprocation, and mentally perform a count-down of how long an interaction such as this should last, then pull away when I get to 'blastoff'. Maybe I am a cold hearted cynic. Maybe my near complete inability to cry has something to do with this. Maybe all this will be cured with my new adventure! Maybe I will return a changed person! Maybe Jack forget all about me and move on. Ok, maybe I shouldn't get too ahead of myself....

All things Redneck: Ear plugs

Most people don't have a regular need for ear plugs in their day-to-day lives, unless you work in construction, that is. Wise construction workers utilize ear plugs regularly to prevent hearing loss. My father is one of the biggest advocates for ear plugs. In fact, ear plug companies should pay him royalties or something for all the business he has pushed their way over the years.

As a result of having construction workers living in the house, a peculiar thing happens. Like most men, they leave things in the pockets of their dirty clothes, which ends up coming out in the wash. There is always the usual; coins, paper, the dreaded tissue that disintegrates into pieces that attach to everything, and then, there are ear plugs. It is unusual to empty the washer and not find ear plugs sitting at the bottom. As a result of frequent findings of washed ear plugs, a jar was set in place to collect these ear plugs, to be recycled (oh, how green of us!). I never thought much of this feature in our laundry room, until a few people noticed and commented. And I thought 'wait, what? You don't have an ear plug jar in your laundry room? Isn't that totally necessary?! Where do you put the ear plugs you find at the bottom of the washer?' But then it dawned on me, other households don't have that problem. They don't use ear plugs, so they don't find that treasure.

So, if you ever need a fresh set of ear plugs, you know where to go. Don't worry, they are clean!

(Wendy, I wish I had your camera to better capture this! My digital camera just doesn't cut it!)

'I'm Gonna Miss You!'

I keep hearing that phrase. It gets tossed my way quite often these days. And when I am confronted with this phrase, I awkwardly fumble for a response. The anticipation of moving is still so thrilling for me, that I haven't mentally addressed the 'missing' aspect of it. I guess I will miss it here, and will miss the people I am leaving behind, but I can't even see that right now. Hence, my awkward response of 'oh, yeah.....' coupled with a big, overly done, and prolonged grin. I suppose I should reply with an, I will miss them too, but right now, that remark feels forced and false. Because my tunnel vision is set on new horizons, bright prospects and a fresh perspective. So, I guess I'll cross the 'I'll miss you too' bridge when I get there.

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is a phenomenon that has always intrigued and fascinated me. Karma? What goes around comes around? Not sure. But life has a pattern, a way of sending things around, and if we aren't careful, we may be too busy to notice.

It is easy to get caught up in the 'I owe you....' or the 'You owe me....' game. I helped you move, so you owe me (fill in the blank). Sure, we do lots of things and don't really expect to be reimbursed specifically by that person. But that legalistic mindset can easily creep in and make itself at home without much notice. I've seen people consumed with this sort of 'tally' existence, where everyone has a list of things that they owe or are owed, and life is a matter of chalking things up in either category. Contrarily, there are the type that view life as blowing in the wind, keep no record of incidence, and just live in a continuous warm breeze. I find myself somewhere in between. Not keeping tedious notes, but curiously mesmerized at how life and things, have such movement.

I know that by doing good for others, it's going to come back around. (That doesn't mean my only motivation to do good for others is tainted by greed though.) Maybe that person won't actually return the favor, but somewhere down the road, my needs will be met by some other giver. I love it! It's like the old adage about the wind, where you can't see it, but it is all around you. You can't actually see this ebb and flow, but it is there. This giving and receiving we all take part in. We help, we need help. Back and forth it goes.

When you take a step back and view the whole picture, the intricacies of 'it's all a wash' can help put things in perspective and quell an anxious mind. In times of hardship, especially the economic kind, worries and frets build and consume. I am a victim of these worries just like the next guy, but I remind myself, that it will all work out. It always does. Usually not in the manner that we want or thought, but it does. Things come around. Now, if anyone wants to help me nail down a job, the circle would really be complete!

Just Jack: Mixed Signals

Telling Jack and Grace that I was moving was the moment I had most dreaded since I made the decision to move. I delayed. I stalled. But the silence had to end at some point. He knew something was up.

'What's wrong Rebekah, you seem kind of moody since you returned from your trip. Is there something you need to tell me?'
How does he do that? Sometimes I wonder if he knows me better than I know myself!
'Nope, I just have a lot on my mind. It's nothing Jack.'
'Well, I know we don't keep secrets from each other, so I trust you will tell me when you are ready.'

I sat them down, and spilled the news. The usual list of reasons and rational behind my decision.
Grace: ecstatic. enthusiastic. jazzed. inquisitive. laughing. hopeful. supportive.
Jack: silent.

I explained that we still had a few months to sort things out in preparation for my move. But Jack's silence really had me worried. This was why I had dreaded telling them. This was the response I had feared. Later in the car, after he had time to ponder the full scope of this news, he explained how even though it didn't seem like it, that he was supportive and happy that I was doing something with my life. It was clear that he was excited for my future, but worried about his. He explained that he couldn't expect me to put my life on hold by sticking around and taking care of them out of the goodness of my heart. But still, the implications of me leaving them is frightening. We have created such a bond over the past 4 years. Their life is completely dependent on others, and I have been the glue that ensures all the pieces stay in place and operate smoothly.

So while he is excited for what this experience will do for my future, he is reluctant. Bittersweet is the reason for the season I guess.

Announcement

I have news. Brace yourself, because it is going to feel like a sneak attack, the last thing you would ever expect me to announce. Ready? I'm moving to Omaha, Nebraska in October!

This has been a long time coming. Well not this actual decision, but the decision to do something different. Embarking on my recent road trip, I had in the back of my mind, a critical eye on each place we stopped. 'Could I live here? Is this where I am meant to be? Are there job opportunities?' I fell in love with many of our destinations, but many places just didn't have the all the right 'elements'. For instance, Boulder, CO is the most amazing/beautiful/charming city and I have a great friend there, but there are no jobs there. Then, as my trip ended, I had time to stop and reflect on my flight home. As I landed in San Jose, and later when I got home, everything felt wrong. I was not meant to be here anymore. All the while, Omaha kept creeping in.

Although I had been to Omaha in high school, I realized that I had no real, distinct memory of the city. At that point, it was just another city on a whirlwind family vacation that left no lasting impression with me. As an adult, I felt like I was viewing the city for the first time with a fresh perspective. It took me by surprise and appealed to me somehow. And, it had all the aspects necessary for a move: Friends, a stable job market, a church, a place to live with a friend, the college world series, a Cabelas store, a Bass Pro Shop, and at least 5 restaurants featured on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives!

The common question I am getting from people, upon hearing my news is: 'So who's the guy?' Implying that the only rational reason to move to such a destination would be for a guy. Nope. No guy. I am moving for me, that's all. Other common responses include: 'Um, do you realize that there is no ocean in Nebraska? Did you know the weather is pretty crappy there? You may not be able to wear flip flops year round there, are you sure you can handle that? It's kind of in the middle of nowhere, you sure that's what you want?' To all these concerns, I state that I know this will be a big change, but that is the goal! I have lived in paradise my whole life and need to experience something different. And if I was moving somewhere for great weather, I wouldn't leave Santa Cruz, therefore the weather is not a huge deciding factor. I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it!

The plan is to stick around for the summer, look for jobs in Omaha, help with the wedding, save up as much as I can, then drive out a few days after the wedding. I am committing myself to stay for one year, and then reassess after that. I am so jazzed about this! My only wish is that October was closer than it actually is! I welcome any thoughts, support, and 'what are you thinking?!' type comments! With excitement, I wonder what this new chapter of my life will look like, but I'm pretty sure it will be nothing less than fabulous!

Like the sign says, I am welcoming the 'Good life'

My 'Little' Bro

I leave for 2 weeks and come home to an engaged little brother! How did that happen? Wasn't it just yesterday we were running around barefoot, making forts, demanding other kids on the hill get off our property, arguing and fighting constantly?! His existence up until how has been trauma-filled, or hospital-filled. Are those days over? Has he officially covered that bridge into manhood?

Awhile back, I warned him that he was not allowed to marry before me. Like a typical little brother, he didn't listen. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pressure or 'backwards' order of things. But after seeing him, them, I realized I couldn't demand that from him. He hasn't crashed his truck in like 10 months. He hasn't been to the hospital in about that long and there have been no major accidents/incidents to report. With that kind of a track record in recent months, something must be right. They say that a man needs a woman to settle him down, force him to mature and take responsibility. I believe it and see it in him. He has a sparkle about him that I have never seen before. His happiness level is at an all-time high. And I'm pretty sure he has money in his bank account! He is ready for this new step and I know I have trained him to be able to handle anything that a female throws his way!

Now, if I hear one more person say anything along the lines of: 'Well, your younger brother is getting married before you, when is it going to be your turn??' or 'How do you feel about being a single big sister?' or 'Don't worry, your time will come soon!' I think I may just punch them in the throat. Censor your thoughts people. You're not gonna win any awards for being Captain Obvious. And I certainly don't want any charity, sympathy or encouragement. Clearly I am in no rush to make a wrong decision. This big sister has the gumption to handle the situation and can't wait for what the future brings!

Roadtrip in Rewind

My grand adventure has come to an end. I set out with the hopes of seeing new places, meeting new people, and opening up my eyes to something other than my little Santa Cruz bubble. All these hopes were realized and even exceeded.

Arizona. Utah. Colorado. Nebraska. Iowa. Minnesota. Wisconsin. There is surprising beauty and excitement in these out-of-the-way states. We visited friends. We made new friends. Grand Canyon. Monument National Park. The Million Dollar Highway. The Garden of the Gods. Seven Falls, Colorado Springs. Rocky Mountain National Park. College World Series, Omaha. The Great Mall of America. Laughs and more laughs. Comments like: 'What the heck is that?' 'How do people live all the way out here? Where do they get their food?' 'Um, this little town is so adorable!' 'This little area looks like (insert a place we've been to)'

Often times, when embarking on a trip of any kind, I experience and enjoy the destination but am always subconsciously comparing it to home. And usually, nothing ever comes close! But I wanted this trip to be different, no comparing; just experience and enjoy. It turns out, that with that sort of a mindset, there are actually a lot of really amazing places out there! Living exclusively in such a coastal paradise creates a lofty and somewhat arrogant outlook, because not everyone gets the privilege of enjoying such beauty and every other place just seems to be lacking. I have known this about myself and wanted to shed that perception by appreciating what other cities have to offer. Yes, maybe there is no ocean in the middle of the country, and maybe there is no coastal fog to cool off a heat spell in July, but maybe the people aren't pretentious and maybe there is actually a job market and affordable housing in landlocked states!

This will always be home to me, but there is life outside of California! It is important to have a place that is 'home' and no matter where you happen to be living, home holds a prominent place in your memory and your sense of self. I am thankful for the sense of home I have and all the components that make this place so special to me! But middle America, much more than it's given credit for!

Arizona

Wind, wind and more wind! End of day 3, done. All three of those days have been filled with sights and fun in Arizona. Phoenix, Sedona, Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon, and friends. Arizona has such drastic changes in scenery in a short amount of time. Red rocks. Canyons. Mountains. Valleys. Lots for the eyes to see. It has exceeded my previous thought and expectation. Turns out, Arizona isn't just a flat, hot, dry desert! The wind though.

We drove around looking for a camp site today and finally found a pretty nice one with many amenities, in Monument National park, on the border of Utah and Arizona. Spectacular views of natural 'monuments' made out of stone jetting up out of the sand. Massive, imposing, awe-inspiring art work. We are nestled under large red stone cliffs. Setting up a tent, in the sand, in the wind, tough. We are hopeful the tent won't fly away tonight.

On to Colorado tomorrow. It's only going to get better and more beautiful from here on out!

Road Trip!!

Being that I am Kramer, I am off. Off on a grand adventure. When a friend asks me to accompany her on a road trip from Arizona to Minnesota, I gave a 'sure!' response without any hesitation. Why not? I have no job. I have no children or family. I have no responsibilities, well minimal responsibilities. Aren't these sort of trips what you're supposed to do when you are a young twenty-something, in between careers?? I mean, what do I have to lose? Nothing. And to be gained? Well, a once in a lifetime view of our great country! I love and am so thankful that these opportunities are presented to me, and even better, that I am able to take them up! Gosh, how do people survive with full-time jobs and full-time kids??

The plan. Well, there is none really. We have camping gear, hot weather clothes, an ice-chest, a short list of desirable destinations, and a comprehensive list of Guy Fieri's Diners, Dives and Drive-ins. Other than that, we will just let the road lead us where it may. Oh, you want to pull over at that funky gift shop? Ok. You want to stop and jump in that lake? Sounds refreshing! Food? I could go for some food. I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon! Family in Arizona. A friend in Boulder. Friends in Omaha. A laid-back recipe for the perfect trip.

How long will I be gone? When am I coming home? Good question. I have no idea! The real kicker that makes this road-trip as carefree and spontaneous as possible, is that I do not have a return flight home! Yup, that's right. Whenever I feel like coming home, from where ever we are, I'll just jump on a plane. Who knows, maybe I won't come home?

Look out America, here we come!!

What's Next??

I have NO idea! I find my mind wandering around that question, over and over again. What does life hold for me? What am I meant to do? Am I meant to go somewhere, or stay put? Job? Change? It seems like a waiting game. How long can I hold out, and what do I win for holding out so long? Most big decisions in my life have sort of fallen into my lap; jobs, decision to go to school, cars, trips, etc. I keep looking at my lap, waiting for whatever it is to appear. Just looked. Nope, still nothing.

This phase in my life has taken a lot longer to figure out than any other phase. The I-graduated-from-college-and-should-get-my-life-together-but-don't-quite-know-how-to phase. Confusion. Patience. Searching. Waiting. Filling my time with 'in the mean time' tasks. It's an odd feeling. Waiting for something, but not sure what to look for, or even where to begin. Pressure to conform to societal norms. Watching friends and peers figuring life out, and even impressively excelling. I'm told its a common feeling and reality for my age group. But that is no consolation. Open to suggestions (hint, hint). So, with no clear vision or revelation, I guess I'll just continue to sip my wine, one glass at a time.

Just Jack: Update

Some concerned followers have been asking me how Jack is doing. Apparently, I have left them on the edge of their chairs, desperately wanting news. Well, I am happy to say that he has pulled through. He was in the hospital for about two weeks, at which point it was deemed appropriate for him to move on to a re-hab center. He lost a lot of weight and even more muscle strength while in the hospital, so now his main priority is rebuilding that muscle to get back to pre-hospital-stay levels.

While he was in the hospital, the staff somehow lost his teeth. He doesn't have any of his own teeth anymore (I guess that's what we get to look forward to) so both upper and lower dentures are gone. This has obviously made eating and speaking difficult. Food has always been something he adores, so to eat all his meals mushed up has been a struggle for him. He tells me that most of the time he doesn't even know what he is eating, he has to look at the sheet to see what the menu consists of. We are working on getting him a new set of choppers, which will take a few weeks. In the mean time, he goes to physical therapy every day and has the goal of going home in sight.

If I neglect to call him every few days, he calls. The calls are all pretty similar, after all, when you are sitting in bed, in a shared room, there's not a whole lot of interesting things to talk about. But he tells me that he misses hearing my voice, that he loves me, that he appreciates all that I do for him, etc. So, life goes on, one day at a time.

Personality Insight

Realization: I am Kramer. Hold on. Before you go, 'Um, what? Kramer?' just listen up. After talking to a friend about my odd jobs, and just my life in general, he stops me. 'Bekah, you know what I just realized, you are the Kramer of our group! You totally are. Think about it. You don't have a job, no one knows what you do or how you support yourself and yet you are always busy with important stuff!' It took me a few seconds to soak that in, and I just laughed. I totally am Kramer, well minus the awkward frizzy fro and the sly ability to open a door and slide into the room....The similarities are so remarkable that I am surprised that this comparison is just now coming to light! And upon some consideration, I have come up with a comparison list. Enjoy.

• I mooch other peoples' food on a regular basis, and frequently walk into certain people's house and head straight to the fridge for a snack
  
• I have no substantial/grown-up job
• I know random people all over the place
• I always seem to have the inside scoop on everything, which proves to be very helpful for those around me
• I spout out great ideas and advice without really even trying or thinking about it, almost on accident
• My days are all full, and I don't always know how
  
• I do people favors and have favors that others owe me, all stored up
• I can be blunt and brutally honest
• I get along with my friends' parents better than my friends do with their own parents. This is even true with said friend who told me I am like Kramer. And like Kramer responded to Jerry after Jerry finds out Kramer calls the Seinfelds once a week, "If you called them more often, I wouldn't have to!"
• Money has always just fallen into my lap
  
• I don't see a doctor
• I replace many words with sound effects
  
• I donate blood on a regular basis and have considered storing it at a blood bank
• I was also a lifeguard
• I regularly drop everything to go on trips, adventures, and extended vacations
• People call me by my last name
  

I am sure there are other comparisons, but those are the most obvious. Kramer is eccentric and odd; common fact. So, I would hope that I am not entirely like him. Nonetheless, I can't pretend that I am nothing like him. Now, if only I can channel some entrepreneurial ideas to create steady work for myself....

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

The theme and also the song from Cheers. The universally appealing feeling of being welcome and known! We all want to go places where people know our name. We want to stroll into our local pub or coffee shop and have the person call out a hello, while they get our 'usual' started. It's that warm and tingly, small-town feeling, no matter where we are. It is just great to be 'known'.

This reality rings true for me in a big way, but not in the usual fashion. Normally, you make a name for yourself, by being a 'regular' or networking, building relationships and living in an area for an extended period of time. In my case, my reputation precedes me. Before I was born, the Clausing name was being built, no pun intended... And growing up in a small community, in a family like mine, everybody knew my name, well, my last name at least, and everything that came along with it. At a recent workday, someone came up behind me as I was working and commented on my 'Clausing Work-horse genes'. I gave the courtesy laugh and she went on to say how she is always amazed at how motivated, strong and dependable Clausings are and how she wished she had some of our genes. No new news here. I've heard similar comments before. But it got me thinking. This reputation that I am apart of, by being born a Clausing, was not something I chose or created. Instead I must continue to uphold everything that it stands for. This can be a little stressful and overwhelming at times, considering how big the shoes are that I must fill, again, no pun intended....

My family name is known farther than might be expected. I can go to many parts of the country and people say, 'Wow, you must be a Clausing!' or 'You look just like a Clausing!' Yeah I like my family and all that we stand for, but now that I am an adult, I feel a need to make my own name for myself. To go somewhere where nobody knows my name and create my own reputation. Isn't that what most people do? They grow up and people scarcely know their family, parents or past? Family name and reputation matter little in big-town USA. But perhaps that is the problem. Lack of family connection, roots, and common traits passed down through the generations. I guess, like anything in life, there are pros and cons. I don't think I stand a chance in fighting it. No matter what, I guess I'll always be a Clausing, and all the work that comes along with it!

Take Me out to the Ball Game

I don't usually post about my detailed day-to-day doings, but I feel a need to share this one! A friend notified me that she had free tickets to a San Jose Giants game. Free!? I am in! Erik and I planned to meet her over there and enjoy a great night of baseball. Little did we know that the night would turn into such a random/great adventure.

It all started with Erik and I frantically trying to find some grub before the game (wanting to avoid less-than-par, over-priced stadium food). We soon discovered that finding a food joint is rather difficult in the industrial/warehouse/low-income/sketchy part of town. Walking into a market or 'tienda' we felt that a mugging or knifing incident would not be out of the question. Nope, nothing here that our stomachs could handle. Wait, what is that over there? A Mexican Restaurant! Score! The music squeaked to a halt and all heads turned toward us as we entered a Hispanic-only store, where the waiter asked us in Spanish if it was 'for here or to-go'. We gave each other a slightly panicked look and bolted for the door! About to give up, we finally find the 'House of Noodle' and got a delicious dish, not without looking into the display case and wondering, but not really wanting to know what was in those jars!!
After quickly scarfing our hot food as fast as possible, we met up with Stacey and headed to the stadium parking lot. The parking attendant directed us park on a grass field surrounding a gravel track. There were no parking spaces or any clear order as to where to park the car. To make things more awkward, the majority of the grass area was already taken up, leaving the gravel track, that was occupied by many city-dwellers getting in some evening exercise! Uh, what are we supposed to do? Run over these families running around the track??

Inside the Stadium, we grabbed an ice-cold beer. A great option on the windiest, chilliest day of the year! Found a seat, and I pulled out my Snuggie. The commercial clearly states that sporting events are a great place to sport the Snuggie. But doing the YMCA along with the rest of the fans is clearly not in the commerical, so I opted out of that one!
The fans consisted of a pretty enjoyable mix. The Giants were playing against the Bakersfield Blaze. The Giants were pulling their own for the first half of the game, but just couldn't hold on for a win. We had a Giants fan behind us that had some great one-liners. After Bakersfield hit a ball over the field, our fan yells 'You still have to go back to Bakersfield after this. That's not a victory!' Two guys and a girl in front of us were approached by the police half way through the game and were escorted out of the Stadium. We were all puzzled, but definitely distracted by this sudden turn of events. As they were walking out, our fan yells 'Leave your girl here with us!' A couple more great comments came that aren't family friendly and don't belong on this blog...
The crowd thinned out real quick as the wind picked up and the cold persisted. But we stuck it out until the very last at-bat. As the seats cleared out, the remaining few felt more and more comfortable with each other and cranked up the dialogue and interactions. The churro man wandered around yelling 'Churro!' I asked him how much and he replied '$3 or 2 for $5'. I didn't reply, so he says 'What, to expensive?' I said yes, so he comes up to the seat in front of us and pulled out a churro and insisted that I take it. No thanks, No thanks, No, I'm ok, No. 'Just take a bite, after you take a bite, I won't be able to sell it to anyone! Just a bit, take it. Take it. Here. Please, I want you to have it.' All eyes on me, I finally gave in and feared 'the catch', you know, the thing that I would have to do to pay for it. Nothing, he just walked away! What? Wow!

A disappointing loss for the Giants, 10-6. Too bad. We decided that this was not the last time we would take part in a Giants game this season! Great seats, great prices, great fans, and an over-all great time!

Just Jack: Hospital Anecdotes

No one wants to be in the hospital. No one. Not to visit, not to stay over night, nothing. But Jack seems to make this universally terrible experience humorous and light.

• Phone call to Jack's room: "Well, Rebekah, they gave me a catheter today....Boy, that was an experience."

• After realized that a mutual friend happened to be the nurse in charge of nearby rooms: "Wow, I am so glad she wasn't my nurse and didn't put my catheter in! That would have been really embarrassing!!"

• Awaking from a doze: "Rebekah, I can't feel my teeth!" "That's because they are sitting on the table Jack!" "Oh, well no wonder I couldn't feel them!"

Just Jack: The Unknown

I hurt. Jack's health has taken a turn from bad to worse in a matter of a few short weeks. As I am writing this, he is lying all alone in a hospital bed, suffering. I know he is the one with immense suffering in body, but my heart and tear ducts are maxed out. Life is a gamble for all of us, not knowing our expiration date. But that reality is much more real as the years are piled on. 88 years is an accomplishment, a long full life. But what does that have to do with anything? Does living a long time make it easier to say goodbye? Does it make the suffering inevitable?

I find myself reeling with thoughts. Sadness. Fear. Love. Helplessness. I have always known how much this dear man means to me, and I have known that this would not be easy. But being at this crossing is more difficult than I could have ever anticipated. My feelings of love and gratitude are overflowing, while I scream inside for more time! He hasn't taught me enough! I haven't helped him enough. His presence in my life is substantial, and the hole that's left will be unbearable.

Seeing him helpless, limp and permanently half-asleep is torture. Fighting back tears has turned into a battle I just can't seem to win. I need to be strong. In his frailty, he doesn't hold back how much he loves and appreciates me. Hearing those kind words from a dying man is almost as difficult as the fear of Jack's unknown.

It all goes back to a Country Song

It's true. It does. It all goes back to a Country song. The 'it' being, anything, everything. Anything and everything in life goes back to a Country song.

It's kind of like a game, similar to in 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' where the father asks for a word, any word and he will find the Greek origin. Some words are hard to find the connection, but in the end, he finds it. The same is true with Country songs. Give me a situation, an example, a story from someone's life or life in general, and I will find a country song that fits it! In other words, there is a Country song that defines or refers to any situation in life. Got your truck stuck? 'Find out who your friends are' or 'Truck stuck Blues' deals with that. Find yourself grateful for a wish that did not come true? 'Thank God for Unanswered Prayers' is just the song! Ever feel like the grass is greener elsewhere? 'You're gonna miss this, You're gonna want this back' gives a little perspective. Heck, even the name of my blog is the first line of a Garth Brooks Song! Some connections are easy, while others are a little tricky, but I promise it can be done!

This little 'game' of finding the right song to match the appropriate situation was started by myself and some friends not too long ago. It's very informal and usually happens spontaneously. Someone will be talking and if they say something that sounds like a song, another person quotes the song and if the people present get the connection or understand that a 'game' of sorts is being played, kudos! But some people aren't quick enough or familiar enough with the many amazing Country songs out there, and in many ways, they lose! Another way to play the game, is to drop lines of a song in the middle of a conversation, as if it was an original thought, or a totally normal comment. Again, if the people present get the reference, Kudos! It is such a rewarding feeling to line drop and have someone look at you, smile, and quote the song! Yes! You know what I'm talking about! You are awesome!

What does this say about country music, other than the fact that it is amazing? Well, it obviously speaks to every day life of the every day American. Unlike the commonly held misconception that it is hick music for that toothless farmer whose wife left him for his cousin, it has morphed into songs we can all relate to. Songs about finding love, getting married, raising little girls, watching them grow up, going out for a good time, celebrating the life of honored citizens, cross generations, Mama's cooking, Small town living, sitting on the front porch, Come on, what’s not to like about all that??

So give Country music a try, and give the game a try. You will quickly realize that, it all goes back to a country song!

Odd Jobs.

Odd jobs. I do odd jobs. Yup. Not all of them are actually odd, but the hours, the pay, the consistency and the lifestyle all adds up to something more odd than the average persons existence. I clean. I organize. I split firewood. I garden. I haul heavy stuff in wheelbarrows. I pick kids up from school. I cook. I run errands. I pay the post office box fee for others. I babysit. I elder sit. I drive people. Lots of airport runs (no money is involved in those though). I help orchestrate a fund raising golf tournament (also no money involved). I make deliveries. I pick things up. I take animals to the vet. I eat other people's food (huge perk to the job, and I do a lot of it!). I do good work. People refer me. Then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and before you know it, I have a full fledged odd job career!

Yes, I am college educated and even have a bachelors degree to prove it. I know many are wondering why I am doing the work that any joe-six-pack could do and why I am not doing something worthy of my degree. Well, I partly blame the economy and the fact that there just aren't any jobs out there. But a big part of me is almost glad that I am not able to get one of those jobs. As odd as my schedule and income are, I secretly like it. This kind of existence comes with a great amount of freedom. Freedom to create my own schedule and do as I please. I like being able to drop everything and go on a road trip. I like the fact that I was able to travel internationally for months at a time. I like that I am able to attend most every occasion, such as weddings, graduations, parties, and events without work getting in the way. And I love that I don't have to commute and sit in a cubicle.

I guess at some point I need to figure something out that is more professional and fitting for my education. But for now, being odd is just fine with me!

Surprise.

This week my mom turned, uh well a milestone age that she probably wouldn’t want mentioned. It was determined that the unofficial theme would be ‘surprises’. The first surprise starting a few days before the birthday. Her best friend from Nebraska flew in. This secret had to be kept by a few of us for a few months, which got increasingly hard to keep as the time got closer. I was designated to pick up this cargo, as mom would be less suspecting of me making up a false alibi. Returning from the airport, I led the way into the house, with mom and the family settled into the couch with the usual circus of children, doing whatever it is they do. Upon seeing this surprise visitor, mom’s blank stare lasted a few seconds and instantly turned into the biggest, loudest, most combustive explosion from her the I have ever seen. Jumping, screaming, yelling, crying, laughing, the works. All caught on video. Ah, relief, the secret is out and I don’t have to worry about inadvertently spilling the beans. Sike. Little did I know, that I was about to embark on yet another list of lies and secret keeping.

My brother decides to tell my Alaskan sister that if she was a good daughter she would come down for her mother’s birthday. Boom, it’s on! Mom and dad are both oblivious to this secret which makes it ever harder to keep. Sister flies in, and again, I am the cargo picker-upper. And again, another false alibi. This surprise-reveal took place in a public setting; Costco. Little did the shoppers of the Santa Cruz Costco know, that when they went shopping that morning that they would witness such a scream-fest! Sis and I knew that she was coming, so we hid in the bakery section, waiting. Mom and her Nebraskan friend come down the aisle and begin to look through the frozen seafood. I fish my camera out of my purse and turn the video recorder on. Sis walks up to mom and starts to nonchalantly chat her up about a bread purchase. Instant-mom-freak-out! ‘AAAHHHH!!!! What are you doing here?? AHH. I can’t believe you’re here!!!!!’ You know, pretty routine mom stuff! Again, all caught on video. Finally! The cat is out of the bag and I don’t have to worry and fret about accidentally saying too much.

Next, dad and friend take mom on a surprise boat ride on the famous Chardonnay, a local favorite that sails around the bay. They enjoyed a clear evening of food, wine, and stunning sights.

But the best surprise is still yet to come. Birthday dinner with all the family and a few friends to boot. Yummy food. Plenteous amounts of wine. Even a cake. All followed by presents. Yes, presents. She got some pretty good stuff. But the best present, which also turned out to be the best surprise, was from the eldest son. Something mom has been asking for. Something all of us secretly want but are too embarrassed to admit. Something no one can really live without once they own it. What am I referring to? The one and only; SNUGGIE!!!! Yes, that is correct. Mom got a Snuggie! Laughter and excitement ensued, while we all looked on and wished that we were the ones that got such a present! It got passed around and tried on by many of us (David, your Snuggie post came to mind, but I win cuz I have a pic of myself in one!). Wow. What a surprise. Mom counted her blessings and was so thankful for her week of surprises. Although she won’t admit, we all know her favorite surprise was the coveted Snuggie!