I think I can!

I could never live in such a cold climate. I could never stand the humidity. I could never live away from my family. I could never ____ (fill in the blank).

Faced with the possibility of change, many of us panic and convince ourselves that we couldn't cope under those conditions. That we would be miserable, and thus do not even attempt. I'm sure there's a psychological term for this, self-fulfilling prophesy perhaps, and I'm sure we are all guilty of it. We think we know ourselves. We think we know our limitations. But the factor that we don't take into consideration, is that we are a lot more adaptable than we realize. And there's a lot more toughness in each of us.

I never saw myself leaving Felton, and especially never leaving California! I would miss my family. I would miss my friends. I hate the heat. I don't do snow (flip flops become a dangerous shoe choice in light of impending frost bite possibilities). And who would I know in a far far away place? I had convinced myself before I even gave myself a chance to entertain any sort of idea. I closed myself off. And to this day, I'm really not sure what it was that really changed that, but I am so thankful, to whatever it is!

Finding myself away from home at Christmas time has gotten to me thinking about home, and about the journey I have been on. Sometimes I can't believe I am here. The temperature is dropping, and I am adapting. Some days the wind howls at you, on your way to the car, and you can't describe how cold you are. Then the next day, it's no big deal. In the heat of the summer, you can't believe how hot it is, and then the next thing you know, it's not even noticeable, or the reaction is, 'well, at least it's not as bad as it was yesterday!'. Life is no paradise all the time, but we humans are much more capable than we give ourselves credit. There are a lot of things I didn't think I was capable of, and here I am, half way across the country from my family, doing some growing up, and spending my first Christmas away from home.

Phone calls from my nieces and nephews, sisters and brothers, mom and dad are becoming difficult these days. I miss them. And that yearning is especially hard around the holidays, when family is meant to be together. But I will survive, and everything will be ok. If I had stayed in California, would my close relationship be the same as it is now? Or would I take them for granted and not see the gem that I truly have? If I am capable of this much, what more can I handle? What else can I overcome? I keep seeing all the little ways in which we all 'get used' to our surroundings, and those obstacles don't seem like obstacles after all. Half the battle is actually sticking your toe in the water, then once you do, you realize you were so stupid for getting yourself so psyched out over something that was not bad at all! So instead of the 'I could never' mantra, I have taken on the 'well, let's give it a try and see what happens' attitude. I've also made it an informal personal mission to say yes to nearly every request of others, to hang out, to help out, whatever. After all, life would be so boring if we just sat around doing the same things we are overly comfortable with!

Friends and Cherry Blossoms

As the season changes around me. As the summer fades into fall, and the leaves turn an array of brilliant reds, yellows and oranges, my mind starts to wander. In this part of the country, the changes in seasons are easy to notice and happening all around you. How could you miss it?! And just when you get used to one season, the next one starts creeping in. And as those leaves fall and blow, signaling the onset of winter, I am also caught up in changes in my life and the changes in those around me. And I can't help but notice the extreme similarities between friends and seasons.

Friends breeze into our lives, much like the cool winds of fall. And they can move on, just like the dog days of summer. Sometimes due to a falling out. Sometime as a result of a physical move. Or sometimes as a result of a change in lifestyle (becoming a wife, mother, etc.). We grow up with a tight set of friends who know us inside and out. Then after graduation and real life begins, shifts take place, and our priorities and daily habits change. Those friends take different paths, and our daily lives don't have as many shared interests or commonalities. So, we make new friends and the cycle continues. Do we dislike those original friends? Not necessarily. It just so happens that we went to different colleges, or work full time on the opposite end of town and have different time commitments and can't devote as much time as before.

And the friendships that we do keep long term, develop in a sort of seasonal pattern as well. We meet. We get to know. We got closer. We develop. We possibly encounter a set-back or problem. And the friendships that last beyond that storm, take on special characteristics. We have times of extreme closeness, and times away. We don't stay the same person, nor do our relationships with each other. It's a constant influx, pushing us back and forth. Just when we think we know who we are, or just when we think we know who our true friends are, something comes out of no where and forces us to see things differently.

Whatever the reason for a 'shift' or fading out of a friendship, I am realizing that the reason it gets to me, is that I have this subconscious ideal that a friend will be a friend forever! And that friendship will be just as strong and fantastic as it was in the best of times. So when that doesn't happen, and someone moves away, my unrealistic hope of 'having' them forever is dashed and I get discouraged.

It's a rather bittersweet reality. Because just when I get discouraged about a shifted, or moved away friendship, another one miraculously appears as a perfect 'replacement'. Coming and going. Back and forth. Just when life seems to 'settle down', something rustles it all up. Things don't stay the same for long, and at times, I sort of squint at the future, reminding myself to stay hopeful despite seemingly sad circumstances, because surprises are always hiding right around the corner! And before I know it, the vibrant colors of spring will be popping up everywhere!