Coasts and Cornfields

Going home is filled to the brim with conflicting emotions and thoughts. My homesickness was recently appeased with a long weekend home. But the whole time I was there, I couldn't stop analyzing how and why I was feeling the way I was. Sure, everyone seems about the same as I left them. Their characteristics, their jobs, location and life in general, but my relationship with them has shifted. Love and friendship are still present, but the closeness necessitated by physical proximity is diminishing. I call. I do my best to keep up, but friendships are rooted in the little, daily happenings. In knowing that one story about the time they stood in line behind a bum in the grocery store guzzling a whole gallon of milk on a hot summer day. And being able to recount and laugh about them.

When time passes, and you are physically away, knowing about those little moments gets harder and harder. I can find out the main categories about people by asking on the phone, but am I really gonna sit on the phone for hours with each of these people each day and ask about every moment of their day? No. But if I were hanging out on their back porch with them, then those things would come up.

This is especially true and difficult with the nieces and nephews. I have lived in the same house as them for their whole lives up until a year ago. I knew all the stories, all the words they said funny, and all the embarrassing stuff they won't want me to tell when they are older. And even though I call often, I am not there to reinforce my relationship with them. Will they forget who I am? In a few years, will they even remember the time that I lived there? I have a close relationship with them now, but will that slowly diminish the longer I am away?

I was happily eager to get home to Omaha at the end of my trip. That's a good thing, right? It means I am happy to call this place home. But feeling bittersweet about the "two" homes that I have. The friends and family in two different places. As I adjust to my surroundings here, by making new friends and establishing myself, I can't help but think about what is 'left behind' me and wonder what I am missing out on. But then I am reminded of all the new adventures that are still in store for me here, my story I am creating every day, and that thrills me.