The only picture I have of the two of us. Her response after seeing the picture: 'Oh, Gosh! I look like an old lady!!'
They say that behind every great man is a strong woman. In Jack's case, I am confident that he would not be the man he is today without the support and love of his wife Grace. Their 59 year marriage ended softly Friday morning after Thanksgiving, where, in the living room of their shared home of 50 years, Grace left this world. Her 30-plus-year battle of debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis, and countless other aches, pains, and limitations has come to an end. But, how do I quantify her 84 year lifetime in a venue as one-dimensional as a blog like this?
Over my limited existence, I have come to one realization. Everyone struggles. Everyone endures massive amounts of pain and hardship. It varies, of course. Some physical, some emotional. Some lose loved ones. Some never had loved ones. Some have lifelong illnesses, some work through disabilities. As inhabitants of this Earth, none of us are exempt from this reality. So, the question is not, who struggles, or who struggles with the worst affliction. Instead, the question is, how do we cope with our hardship? Do we whine? Do we make sure everyone knows about it? Or do we endure silently, successfully convincing all that nothing is abnormal? I have had the blessing of knowing a surprising amount of people with the impressive ability to disguise their struggle, making it invisible to the public. And the icing on that cake? Doing so with a smile, a joke, an optimistic disposition. That, my friends, is a quality I have developed the utmost respect for. A quality I hope to emulate, even to the slightest degree. A quality that dear Grace exemplified completely.
The only reason I am even aware of her constant and extreme physical pain is because I played an intimate role in her life for over 4 years. Even then, I had to pry. Doctors visits did not contain rants, complaints, or even honesty. Even to the doctors, she held a strong front. At 84, it was important for her to look as presentable as possible. Matching outfits, hair did, lipstick, clean and tidy appearance, even though she could do none of those things for herself. I am convinced, that all this fuss was another tactic for disguising her inner struggle.
Generous to all. Never quick to anger. Never held a grudge. Hard worker. Patient wife. Considerate. Great sense of humor. Quality human being. What I wouldn't give to have known her as a young woman. To be the same age, and friends in the early years of her life! To play on her softball team, or stroll downtown window shopping. God put her in my life for a reason, or many reasons. To teach me about silent struggling. To teach me to stay positive and grateful. To love, even when its not easy to do so.
As she ends this chapter of her life, I am beginning one of my own. The beautiful cycle of life. Seeing her, as elderly, was something I needed in order to be a more fulfilled and qualified human. Who are we if we aren't constantly involved in all aspects of the life cycle? Seeing birth, seeing growth, seeing marriage, seeing growth, seeing aging, seeing growth. The importance of being reminded of all these phases, and that each of us is part of that cycle and will soon be in Grace's shoes. It can't be ignored. And seeing her at that phase was something I needed and could not have learned from without seeing first hand. And what a teacher I had!!
I am eternally grateful for the lessons she taught me. Especially the ones she wasn't even aware she was teaching. I am grateful for the impact she had on my life. And my one wish is that, at 84, I will be able to impart to some young girl the same life lessons she gave me! But for now, I say goodbye, with the comfort of being Graced by her presence.
