All Things Redneck: The Backpack Blower

A backpack blower. Pretty self-explanatory. It is essentially a leaf blower, with the engine part forming the ‘backpack’ portion and a hand-held attachment that does the blowing. This piece of equipment is popular among landscapers, due to its ease and timesaving features as compared to the manual process. But what most people do not realize is that this particular piece of equipment has more practical uses than blowing off a driveway. Here is a short list of other uses:

• Duster: We all know that dusting can be a real pain. Especially since dust, particles and dirt fibers get everywhere, including on the furniture, in the carpet, and on all surfaces. A quick and efficient way to get rid of all this dirt? You guessed it, a backpack blower! Simply turn it on, put it on your back, and blow everything out! Note: All windows and doors must be opened first, and all lose items must be secured or put away so as to eliminate the amount of things that go flying. This process may also be used in any enclosure, including a garage, or a car.

• Fire starter: Lighting a fire in a large wood-burning BBQ wood can take a long time to get started and raging. Solution? Backpack blower! Just put all the logs in the BBQ, with some newspaper and kindling, light it with a match and after it gets going a bit, let the backpack blower do the rest. With that kind of air supply, you will have the best BBQ in town.

For more tips on how to use a backpack blower in other unconventional ways, please contact the Clausings….

Just Jack: Facial Hair

While discussing my brother’s recent poor choice of facial hair, Jack comes up with something so, simple, and yet so brilliant.

Jack: ‘You know, in my opinion, facial hair gets in the way of two very important things. Eating and Kissing.’

All Things Redneck: The Couch

It started out rather innocently. Doing a favor for friends who were moving, by taking their white leather couch. Win-win situation. We get a couch, they unload one quite painlessly. But what comes next is where things get dicey. On the day of the move, the couch gets placed on the front porch, with the intention that it would be put away momentarily. A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. And still, the couch was on the front porch. I began to worry the first day that it appeared on the front porch, knowing that my family’s red neck would show itself, and that couch wasn’t going anywhere. Sipping morning coffee previously took place in the dinning room, but with a comfy couch on the front porch, a morning migration took place. Coffee on the porch couch. Lunch on the porch couch. Afternoon nap on the porch couch. Reading a book on the porch couch. Wine on the porch couch. Family and company gatherings on the porch couch. That couch is a part of this family and its presence on the porch seems unfortunately permanent.

Evidence

At first there was a bit of embarrassment, from the family, about this tacky eyesore. But that embarrassment masks the feeling we don’t want to admit to any one: That we secretly love how comfy and convenient it is to have inside furniture, outside! I pretend to hate the fact that couch sits on my front porch, greeting all visitors with an overwhelming statement of ‘unrefined, back-woods country folks.’ I make comments how we need to get rid of it, but I secretly don’t want that thing going anywhere! Does that make me one of them? Am I just as redneck as I accuse my family of being?

The tipping point took place one afternoon when I pulled up the driveway to see this sight: Jason, in his dirty work clothes and boots, sitting on the couch, on the porch, with a beer in one hand, a truck-trader in the other, and a gun propped up against the couch next to him (which was obviously for shooting the overpopulation of, well, that parts confidential). I should expect this sort of behavior. I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but for some reason I was. I just stared for awhile. The best part about it, he had no idea why I was staring, or what the big deal was. Uh-huh. Wow.

View from the porch couch

When people see the couch for the first time, they definitely hesitate at first, and I know what they thinking about us. But then we kinda give an explanation of why its on the porch and then they sit down, and look out at the view of our property. Boom. They are convinced. All the judgments they may have had fade away and they secretly wish they had the guts to have a couch on their porch.

Just Jack: The Date

We frequent The Spur regularly. Well, it’s actually called The Silver Spur, but when you know it as well as we do, it’s just The Spur. And ever so often, in between bites of food, Jack will look over at me and say, “So Rebekah, how is your love life?” The first time he asked me that, I almost lost all the food in my mouth, but decided to just laugh instead! He really wants to know. So I try to keep him updated with that area of my life.

He wants the best for me, and that includes finding me a good guy. And he has no qualms about pointing out a potential suitor. At the hardware store, the doctor’s office, anywhere. I give him an ‘A’ for effort and usually just laugh off his suggestions, because even if one of these gentlemen looked promising, what am I supposed to do? Leave Jack in the aisle and go chat this guy up? No.

One day, while driving to a doctor’s appointment, I decided to tell him about a recent date I had had. I summarized the guy and the date on a whole and told him things went really well. He was a great guy, our conversation was seamless, and he was even taller than me! Yahtzee! After my brief explanation to Jack, I paused and waited for the inevitable response. He sat there for a few moments, formulating what I knew was going to be a great comment. “Well, Rebekah, I guess the main way that this affects me, is that someone else is coming along and taking my 25 year old date! I mean, I guess I knew this was a possibility all along, but I don’t want to share you!”

Just Jack: Shopping

Many of our ‘dates’ are spent doing some form of shopping or errand running. I often wheel him through the hardware store, trying to help him locate tools or items that I am clueless about. We routinely frequent K-Mart, sometimes without a clear idea of what it is that we are looking for or if we actually need anything. He enjoys looking at everything, and asking hosts of questions that would seem mundane to most, but are true curiosities to him. Maybe it’s part of his way of trying to connect with this new age of confusion. Many things are a complete mystery to him, since ‘it just ain’t what it used to be.’ So he asks, and I patiently, and usually sarcastically, give him the 411. I say sarcastically because that is the nature of our relationship. I don’t pity or patronize him in the way many old people are treated, but instead, talk to him like a peer, which usually involves humor and sarcasm.



It is without exception, that if we happen to walk past the lingerie section at the store, he is going to say ‘Wow, look at all the brazzieres! It seems like they could just make a couple basic models, and that would do the trick. Do they really need to make so many different kinds?’ How do I respond to that? Do I explain that they all fit differently on every woman? Nah. That’s just one conversation I don’t see happening. Too personal, or awkward. Instead, I just grin to myself as we wheel along past all those brazzieres!

Hurry! Guests are coming!!

Construction and remodel are words that are synonymous with Clausing. Another phrase heard often in this household is “We’ve got company coming tomorrow! Quick, we need to remodel the house!” In preparation for guests, most people clean up the guest room and make the rest of the house presentable. But Clausings just can’t do the expected. We have to out-do everyone else, or something. Well, that’s what I would accuse the men in this house of, but the reality is that guests are the most powerful motivators to get stuff done around here. Having men in the family who are ‘in the trades’ is somewhat contradictory. It would make sense that having such talent and skill in the family means that projects are finished and the house is complete. But here’s why that's wrong. Men who have been working physically all day on other people’s houses, do not come home and work on their own. That’s a fact. So the ability and skill-set is present, but the enthusiasm takes a sick day.

The last two visits from my sister and her family, resulted in the rush to complete two large projects around the house. My brother seems to think that its not just any guest that creates this push, but rather, the important guests that need to be impressed and catered to. I’m not too sure how accurate that is, but he may be on to something.

There are always projects that have been planned and talked about again and again. The plans are drawn up, the logistics are figured out, the ball just needs to get rolling. And it would make sense that if these projects need to be completed by the time the company arrives, that work would get started weeks or months in advance. Nope.

“Ok, Natalie is coming next week and we don’t have enough room for her and the boys. Hurry, convert the garage into two bedrooms and a bathroom! Go!”
“That bedroom needs to be a dining room, and Natalie will be here in a few days. Pronto!”
“Hi, we are remodeling our bathroom and the tile needs to go in today. What do you have in the store that I can take home with me right now?”
“Oh, you only have one countertop option that I can have today. Perfect! I’ll take it!”

It’s just how we work, literally. As a result, you’d think that our house would be a jumbled up hodgepodge of inconsistency, and to an extent it is. But what house boasts of perfection? And we’ve all been to that fearful house that is so perfect that it drives people away. We feel comfortable in a house that is quirky and a little rough around the edges because it shows that a family lives here. Our house is clean, and when the work does get done, we have high work standards, so the job is done right. But I kinda like the story we get to tell about all the mayhem that goes into our house projects. I like giving people the tour and telling the history of each room. “Well, a long, long time ago, this room used to be the family room, and then it was the garage slash laundry room slash water heater room, and now it is (fill in the blank).” I like that we are the only owners of this house. I like that the story that is told, is our story, no one else’s. And I love scrambling around until the very minute that our guests drive up the driveway.

Just Jack: The Introduction

Every time I look down at my ringing phone and see his number blinking on the screen, I catch my breath, in the reality and dread that this could THE call. The call that informs me of his passing. I have spent much of the past four years thinking about this call. How will I react? How many days will I cry for? How will I continue on after he passes? How will I be able to look down at him in his casket? I literally tear up at the mere thought of this! He has not just touched my life, he has propelled it.

Jack will be 89 years old this year! What an accomplishment! His own father lived to be 100, so I think Jack has many years ahead. Married to the same loving Grace for over 60 years. Retired airplane mechanic. A simple man. A lighthearted, sacrificial, caring man who has the uncanny ability to make every person he encounters smile or laugh. A lifetime spanned over much of the twentieth century. Jack. My main man Jack! He came into my life over 4 years ago and has changed me for good! Who would I be without this man? I’m scared to think about that!

I was hired to take care of him, those 4 short years ago, but it is obvious that I am the one being cared for! Yes, I drive him to doctors appointments, to the bank, to the grocery store. And yes he takes me out to eat and fills my ears with priceless material (which will soon be posted here for all to see). But the less apparent side of the story is his influence on me. I may be helping him with the necessary day-to-day chores, but he is molding my personality, my perception of the world and my future. The ability to be continually happy and chipper in the face of constant pain and a wheel-chair ridden existence. To make jokes and comments of thanksgiving regularly and effortlessly, when there are so many things that he could complain about and be cynical for. Wow. Sometimes I wonder why I am even getting paid! He regularly grabs my hand and gushes about how much he loves me and appreciates all that I do for him, and I just get tongue tied. Are you really thanking me, when I am the one on the receiving end of all that is good?? He wasn’t able to have children, so in many ways I am his daughter. I love him. Plain and simple.

I could go on and on about this dear friend of mine, but I will save it for later posts. ‘Just Jack’ will be a regular segment of this blog that will contain pieces of priceless ‘Jackisms.’ In these posts I will attempt to incarnate this dear man and show the world his extraordinary example of everyday heroism, love, patience and above all; humor. Are you ready? Because I can guarantee you that you will be knocked out of your socks, with moments of laughter, shocking brilliance, and simplistic life lessons that Jack has to offer. And on my end, I will cherish every time my phone rings and his voice is on the other line saying ‘Hi, it’s me. What are you up to?’